It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
