"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
