Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
