I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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