I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
