Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Randomize
