Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
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