Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
