I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
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