So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
