Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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