hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Randomize