"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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