it wasn't lemon gatorade
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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