Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
