I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
