I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
