hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize