Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
