Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
