You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
