His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
