At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
