I showed him my bush... on skype.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
