so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
It's shark week go big or go home
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
