I want to walk on stilts...naked
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
