thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Randomize
