Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
