just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
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He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
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The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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