ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
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