It's Friday. Sex?
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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