I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
It's blow job season.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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