I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
May the power of my ass compel you!!
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
