I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
