I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
