glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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