I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
