You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
