I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
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I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
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He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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