did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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