I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
