I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
