my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize
