OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
