I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
