I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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