i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
