the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
