And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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