from now on my penis is your penis
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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