you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
