Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
