I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
