May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
