there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Church boner. Awkwardddd
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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