Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
