Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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