upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
