Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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