You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
