marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
How external is "for external use only"?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
