This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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