he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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