Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
