can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Randomize
