i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Randomize
