you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
