I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
