Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
