I seem to have left my pride at pride
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
You made out with two different species that night
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
