i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
