just tell him i said nine months
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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