Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
