i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
