he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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