dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
