he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
