I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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