Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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